The political scene in Charleston, South Carolina.
One man wants on the ballot, the other might as well be off.
Together, they arrived here Friday in the official vehicle of a defunct campaign to address an overflowing Cistern Yard, at the College of Charleston.
On the eve of the Republican Primary, or the election for “President of United States of South Carolina,” former Republican nomination candidate Herman Cain joined comedian Stephen Colbert in the Holy City, backed by the Coastal Carolina University Marching Band and a local gospel choir.
Cain, who ended his bid for the Republican nomination for President on December 3, has since endorsed Colbert’s not-all-that-rational plan to use a vote for Cain as a vote for the comedian. Appearing in his conservative pundit character, Colbert sang both “God Bless America” and “This Little Light of Mine” with the choir before addressing a crowd that lined the fences and spilled onto campus streets downtown.
Framed by a massive banner featuring images of himself and Cain, Colbert promised he “won’t pander…to the most beautiful people in the world.” Having previously claimed to be using the South Carolina Republican Primary as a barometer for a future run for at the Presidency of the United States (of America), Colbert thanked the crowd and media — including ham radio users — before introducing Cain.
The former candidate’s speech ranged from some of his previous campaign-trail phrasing, including an appearance from his notorious “9-9-9,” to a spoken recital of the theme from the Pokémon movie, something Cain had taken heat for quoting during his run at the nomination. He stressed the value of each individual’s vote as well as the lessons he learned during his campaign, including the couplet of “Washington is broken!” and “America is broke!” Cain displayed a sense of humor throughout the proceedings, even crooning a tune of his own. (This reporter shot a shaky video of Believe In Yourself from The Wiz, before Cain re-introduced Colbert, his “brother from another mother.”)
“As Lincoln said at Gettysburg: ‘Give me some money.’ They don’t teach that at school anymore. They’ve replaced that with gay Mexican history month,” Colbert said.
Colbert referred to himself as “the Lockheed Martin Luther Burger King of corporate civil rights,” riffing on the “Corporations are people, too, my friend,” sound bite from Republican candidate Mitt Romney.
He also took on the Supreme Court’s 2008 Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission ruling, which prohibits the government placing spending limits on financial support and contributions for political campaigns, including those made by corporations. Reflecting on his own Political Action Committee/Super PAC (now known as “The Definitely Not Coordinating with Stephen Colbert Super PAC,”) which he has handed over to fellow Comedy Central newsman Jon Stewart, Colbert claimed that if his own campaign is a joke, then “the whole campaign system is a joke.”
Some attendees voiced their differing opinions, with signs like: “Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Yesterday”, a variation on the ex-Colbert Super PAC’s “Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow.”
Another held a sign with the name “Herman Bane,” featuring Cain wearing a mask similar to the villain in the upcoming Batman film The Dark Knight Rises.
Bringing his ballot-box benefactor onto the stage once again, Colbert tossed Cain’s chapeau into the crowd and exclaimed: “Vote for who Herman Cain told you to vote for, vote for who I told you to vote for, just don’t forget to vote.”
When the dust settled Saturday, Cain had earned some 6,300 votes, or 1.1 percent.
