The debut album from Ottawa-based musician Hannah Judge, who releases propulsive bedroom pop as fanclubwallet, is a title for the times. “Sometimes people can be really mean to you and try to pass it off as a joke,” she explained about her album. The world's cruelty right now feels like one awfully vicious and never-ending joke. “That’s what You Have Got to Be Kidding Me is about. It’s about reflecting on ways you’ve been mistreated and ways you’ve maybe acted not so much like yourself because of it.”
"You've got to be kidding me / And can I catch a break," she sings on the title track. Her tone is cool, calm, and collected, but the lyrics spurt out of her in sudden bursts as if she's finally letting the air escape from her lungs. Over a bouncy guitar and spacey synths, Judge questions the reckless cruelty of another and considers of her own reactions. In the song's final line, she tries to nail down a reason for someone's actions; she becomes an empathetic detective asking, "Tell me who made you act like that?" In under four minutes, Judge takes stock of her emotions, attempting to investigate it all.
The album wrestles with recognizing oneself through one's own eyes as well as the eyes of other. Although tracks seems to teem with heartache and relationship conflict, the central tension for Judge seems to be around self-erasure and self-acceptance. "Woke up in someone else's clothes / If I interview in them / Will I get the position they're up for?" she glumly sings on "Trying to Be Nice." The humor is dark and cheeky, while the melodies are sharp and charming, recalling early-2000s indie acts like The Postal Service and Hellogoodbye. Kidding Me finds fanclubwallet in the process of perfecting her thoughtfully layered approach to indie pop—these tracks will having you bobbing your head immediately, but if you listen carefully you'll be reminded that you're not alone in this skin-crawly world.
And if the world is going to go wild, you might as well have a good soundtrack. Today, Hannah Judge shares with us her favorite songs for these dumpster-fire times. "This album is kind of about losing your mind a little," she says. "So, I put together some songs I like to listen to to really amp up those emotions. A lot of these are about love, I guess, but I probably have lost my mind the most when I’ve been in love so it still works."
Hear the soundtrack and find her notes for every song choice below.
Emperor X, "Erica Western Teleport"
This one has messed me up since the first time I heard it in the tenth grade. It makes me feel like a boy falling in love for the first time with someone totally unattainable.
Hop Along, "Diamond Mine"
I’m never totally sure what Hop Along songs are about, which I think is what makes them great. This one feels so desperate and it makes me cry. Makes me feel like a little kid.
Xiu Xiu, "Get Up"
There is really nothing more dramatic than a Xiu Xiu song. “You are the only reason I was born…you are the only reason I was born.”
Feist, "Any Party"
My high school boyfriend made me cry at a party once and I went on a walk and listened to this over and over and didn’t come back for, like, two hours.
Rilo Kiley, "Pictures of Success"
An emo banger! Fuck everything! She’s finding herself, and I am too!
Best Friends Forever, "I Think It Would Be Great"
This song is for when you’re sick of someone, but I’ll never get sick of this song.
Blithe Field, "Enchanter’s Waltz"
Instrumental beautiful song for walking around crying.
Ought, "Forgiveness"
This song is for when you keep making the same mistakes over and over and over.
The 1975, "somebody else"
OK, sorry not sorry. This song is great and the synths make me feel like I’m being thrown against a wall!
