As Yours Are the Only Ears, Susannah Cutler makes difficult truths feel less foreboding. She's about to release her sophomore album We Know the Sky, the follow-up to 2018's Knock Hard, which sees her vanquishing self-doubt with compassionate lyrics, healing pastoral imagery, and breezy compositions. Her gentle folk music is a necessary balm for the most intense moments of dismay. Today, she's sharing the album's final single, "Bad Habit."
On the new track, Cutler handles the reflections of a deeply unhealthy relationship with great care. Pulsing acoustic guitar plucks and her silvery vocals usher us into her past's tumultuous depths. "It is just a bad habit that I have," she admits, during the chorus, to offering love where she shouldn't. "And you took advantage of it / Just to wear me around your neck." These stark descriptions embrace a difficult reality that's hard to accept when lost in the eye of the storm. Cutler greets them with strength, reassuring that we're safe in the halo of her resilience.
"The song is about if I have enough love for myself and endurance to get out of that type of situation," Cutler shares. "And also realizing how much I needed to love myself and I wasn't able to do that. I ended up in really shitty situations because of that." In conversation, Cutler is precise with her words, pausing routinely.
"I want people listening to feel empowered and like they're strong enough to get themselves out of situations that they know maybe aren't the best for them and that they'll be OK," she adds. "I hope that’s not too cheesy," she laughs. But it's sometimes uncomfortable to choose the actions that seem the most obvious for one's wellbeing. There's a fear that letting go of bad habits might result in something worse. "When you're in it it feels like, 'I'll literally die if something changes or this ends.'" Cutler's music is a current toward the light when consumed by the darkest undertows.
Read more of our interview with Yours Are the Only Ears below, and pre-order We Know the Sky, which is out Friday, here.
There’s such a lightness to the album, even though some of the lyrics hold heavy and dark realizations. How intentional was that contrast?
I think it's something that I don't strive for intentionally. I have always struggled with my mental health and it comes out in that way. I had this realization that a lot of the album is about learning how to be honest with myself and accept all the parts of me and how I feel, even if other people can’t accept that. It's really hard when I want to please everyone, and I feel like in that process I've found myself really far away from myself. This album and all the songs are essentially about trying to unlearn that behavior and be honest with myself. When I write songs, I get to bypass the part of me that’s afraid of not pleasing everyone. I think a lot of darker things can come out in a way that feels safer to me than in day-to-day life.
What was it like to turn those truths into songs?
Sometimes it was hard. I had to make a conscious effort to turn that part of my brain off that was like, “What the fuck are people gonna think?” Especially with “Bad Habit,” because I had to face and process all the things I was feeling about being in a toxic relationship. There's so many mixed feelings that come with that—shame and pain and desire and despair. I had to tell myself that nothing that I was feeling was too much or wrong.
Are you conscious of what something sounds like when you’re writing, or is it a stream of consciousness?
It’s always different, but usually it starts with some sort of inspiration like a painful realization or hearing or seeing a beautiful piece of art and then trying to capture that moment and expanding on that idea. In terms of unmasking, when I think about saying something in a song, it feels like it's protected because this is my art. I have this feeling like I'll say whatever I want to say in my art. And I, for some reason, don't have that feeling in my real life. [Laughs.] There's a level of comfort and safety that no one really knows what I'm talking about.
How did “Bad Habit” come about?
It was brewing inside of me for a few years. There were things about that relationship that I didn't want to process or look at, and I had this feeling that it was time to say everything and not be afraid of what it would sound like. I was afraid to share the song, though. I think it helps me when I hear other people's songs that I'm like, “Oh, they're being really honest.” That inspires me to do the same, because I think we're all kind of lonely in that respect and art can give you that connection. I really wanted to give myself space to stop repressing and silencing all the thoughts and feelings in my head.
One lyric that I keep coming back to is “I’m realizing regret is a holy weakness.”
When I wrote that lyric, it spawned from anger. But when I reflected on it, that was something that I needed to say to myself. When I wrote the lyric it was inspired by the feeling of, “Why don’t you regret what you did to me?” I think it was both that and feeling like it’s OK to feel like you did something wrong. That's beautiful because you can learn and grow from that, and that is holy. I definitely believe that that's a beautiful thing.
I wrote it and then had to deal with the shame of writing it. That’s a part of the process. I feel like that’s my purpose: Sometimes I think that's why I struggle with it, because I’m learning that I really feel I'm partially here to help other people have the space to be honest with themselves, and also greet the parts of themselves that are scary or shameful with that curiosity and compassion. That's what I want my art to inspire.
Were there any specific inspirations for this song or album?
I was listening to the [Joanna Newson] album Have One on Me the other day, and then put on the song “Go Long,” thinking people could just not listen to my album and read the lyrics of this song and understand what I’m trying to say. It’s the kind of song where it’s exactly how I feel. “How did you put this so perfectly?” I think Have One on Me is the most beautiful, heartbreaking break-up album and was a huge inspiration for me.
Why were you afraid to share this song particularly?
Anyone who's been in a relationship where they feel scared and unsafe, there's just always that lingering fear of repercussion. This is the song that triggers that for me. But that just means I have to say it even more. There's also the fear that what you feel is too much for other people and they can't hold or see it for what it is.
It’s a common theme today to not want to feel things to the fullest and instead to look to distractions.
We can completely distract and dissociate at all times. We have so much entertainment and distraction at our disposal and it’s hard to not do that. [Laughs.] That’s another thing I struggle with as well, and is probably what makes me want to keep writing songs, is feeling like it’s an escape from that, too. I can be in the moment with something and not on my phone or trying to distract myself. It's really healing to feel something fully and to let every single thing come up. I mean, it's hard, but to be like, “It's OK. This is just me. I'm not going to die. I'm safe and feeling these things is not going to kill me.” When you come on the other side of that, it feels empowering. But getting to that point is hard. Especially when it's so easy to just want to distract yourself.
