bbymutha isn’t sick of rapping. In fact, it’s still one of her favorite things on Earth. Regardless, though, the hustle has worn on her. The mid-30s emcee born in Chattanooga and living in Atlanta has been grinding since the early 2010s, when she emerged on SoundCloud first as Cindyy Kushh before changing her moniker as a way of taking ownership of the name she’d been given by the girlfriend of an unfaithful partner. “Why does that have to be a bad thing?” she queried in a 2017 interview with The FADER regarding her namesake. “You can spin that and that can be a great thing.”
Now, motherhood is the core of her identity as an artist. When meeting with bbymutha over Zoom just before the release of her new album sleep paralysis, she’s at home knitting. Kids intermittently interrupt to ask questions or say hi to their mama, and laundry is hanging from the ceiling like any other household. She hangs with her boyfriend, rapper and producer Fly Anakin, and now that she has more time to spend with family in Atlanta, she has more opportunities to explore the city. Although sleep paralysis is named after the mysterious disease that’s plagued the rapper since childhood, the record is less about stasis and the inability to move than trying to capture the feelings of being a kid again—whether it be by attending raves or spending time with her own children.
And despite the haunting beats, the general eeriness and disassociation that runs through the LP, it remains a deeply fun album. With the record out now via True Panther, read on for our conversation covering bbymutha’s growth as an artist, her embrace of the homebody lifestyle, and the perks of touring with her partner.
What on this album marks a departure for you, do you think?
The beats are so good—I’ve never done nothing like that before. I just wanted to experiment with stuff that I knew about, but never really got a chance to flesh out ideas on. I wanted to switch it up because I get so bored. I get discouraged because I start feeling like I’m making the same songs over and over, and I don’t ever want to do that.
What’s it been like balancing a full-time music career with a busy home life? It seems hard.
It definitely is, especially lately. As I’m getting older, I prefer being at home and being a family person—a mom—more than I care about rapping and traveling and stuff. It’s just so stressful. The world is a very different place from when I first started rapping. I’m kind of jaded, because I’ve seen so many things and have been disappointed so many times. I prefer to be at home these days. I don’t think it’s ever been a balancing thing. Everything just kind of goes at the same time and I just gotta handle it the best I can. Baby in this hand, microphone in this hand type of shit.
Are you always recording, or are you more selective with it?
I used to be, but now if I’m not inspired, I’m not going to be in the studio. Right now I’m in between projects. I’m currently throwing ideas at my wall about what I want my next project to sound like. I’ll probably be in the studio soon, but if I’m not inspired or don’t have nothing to work on, I’m not in the studio. I’m not one of those people who’s going to force myself to sit in the studio to make a song. I used to be, but I’m too old and I do not care.
“I’m glad I never got super-duper famous—I never wanted to be. I just want to be able to make art, have people enjoy it, and get paid for it.”
How old are you now, if you don’t mind me asking?
I’m 35.
That’s not old at all.
It’s not, but I’ve been rapping for nine to 10 years and I’m just at a different place in my life and rap can take a back seat at times. But I still love rapping. I’m always going to rap, and I’m always going to make music.
You’ve got a lot of shit going on, too.
Right, exactly. I just had a grandbaby!
Oh my gosh. Congratulations.
I’m just a home person now. I like being at home.
“Everything just kind of goes at the same time and I just gotta handle it the best I can. Baby in this hand, microphone in this hand type of shit.”
Do you think your style has evolved as you’ve moved from touring all the time to where you’re at now?
Nah, because I’m still the same person and I still like to have fun. I live in Atlanta now, and since I be at home so much, I get to go to raves and stuff like that—stuff that I didn’t get to do when I used to be traveling so much, going on tour every other month and shit. It’s more chill. I’m glad I never got super-duper famous—I never wanted to be. I just want to be able to make art, have people enjoy it, and get paid for it.
Talk to me about the album title. I know you’ve been dealing with sleep paralysis for most of your life.
I’ve had it as far back as I can remember. My mom is a painter. She can paint and draw really, really well. She painted all the Disney princesses on my wall for me when I was young. The first time I ever had sleep paralysis, I swear to god the Disney princesses’ mouths were moving. They were talking to me and I couldn’t move. It terrified the fuck out of me. I think I had to be five or six the first time I ever remember having it, and I’ve been having it all my life.
How do you deal with it? Do you just sort of let it pass?
Now I just kind of hang out and wait until it’s over with. If I take melatonin, that triggers it. I have to be very careful about being drunk when I go to bed, because if I go to bed drunk, I’m definitely going to have sleep paralysis. It’s going to be scary, but I’m used to it now. So I kind of just wait ’til my brain wakes up or my body wakes up, whichever one is asleep.
Why did you decide to name the album after that?
The album is an ode to my inner child. Sleep paralysis is one of the first things I remember from my childhood, going through those little attacks as a little kid. The style of music is very spooky in a dream-type of way.
Do you consider this album more grown up, despite it being about your childhood?
I want people to understand that I have grown up. I’m not the first bbymutha that they heard. I’m not even the bbymutha from Muthaland anymore. I’m in a different place in my life.
What do you hope your fans take away from this album?
One of the things that bothers me is that certain fans get stuck in certain areas of my career, and they want me to stay there. That’s why I wanted to do something that was just completely different than anything I’ve ever done—to break away from that shit. There’s nothing wrong with that music, but that’s just not the place I’m at in my life anymore. I want my fans to get over it and dance to this new shit.
“This album was birthed out of low-key desperation. But it don’t remind me of bad times. It reminds me of when I got myself out of a bad time.”
Since the album’s been done for a while, Are you still the same person that wrote the album?
I’m still that person. The only thing that’s frustrating about getting ready to do this is having to [think about] the process that it took to release this album. I went through so much. Even the reason why I went to record this album is because my living situation was so crazy. I had black mold in my house. I went to Europe to tour so I could make some money. With that money, I could move and make an album to make some money to keep staying alive. This album was birthed out of low-key desperation, you know what I’m saying? But it don’t remind me of bad times. It reminds me of when I got myself out of a bad time. I really love this album a lot. Usually, it’s not like that. Usually by the time my album comes out, I’m so sick of it. But this time, this album means a little bit more to me.
Are you looking forward to bringing this album out on the road?
I am looking forward to it. Tour is fun. Like I said, I prefer to be at home, but I’m taking my boyfriend with me, so that makes it a little bit better. He gets to do his music, I get to do my music, and we get to spend time together. I’m also just excited to play this music live.
It must be nice having a boyfriend who also does music.
It’s great. I enjoy having somebody who understands what’s going on. When you date somebody who doesn’t know what you’re doing, they don’t understand nothing that you’re going through. It’s kind of frustrating. But we go through the same things all the time, so it’s very easy being with this person. FL
