Last night at the 2019 American Music Awards, Lizzo appeared on the red carpet dressed to the nines and carrying a very tiny Valentino bag on her finger. Her orange ruffle dress was Valentino, too—but it was hard to care about the dress with a dollhouse bag dangling in front of it.
Ya’ll hoes wanna know what’s inside me? ?
— Lizzo’s Tiny Bag (@lizzostinybag) November 25, 2019
On the red carpet, Lizzo joked that she was carrying “tampons, a flask of tequila, some condoms” in the bag; but unless this was a satchel stolen from Mary Poppins herself, we all know that’s impossible.
Things this Valentino could conceivably have contained include an extra diamond-studded fake nail (in case one of hers broke off), a single Starburst, or a button. Things it could not have contained include spare lipstick, tissues, Lizzo’s ego (it is a healthy, robust size), and literally anything else.
Ultimately, what was really in that bag might remain a mystery forevermore. And perhaps it’s better that way. In the meantime, here are a few speculations.
I can’t believe Lizzo carried my self esteem on the AMA’s red carpet pic.twitter.com/SfhMMTQ6MZ
— Ben Yahr (@benyahr) November 24, 2019
— Ryan Schocket (@RyanSchocket) November 24, 2019
— __LDK__ (@LarryKness) November 25, 2019