From the rise of robots conducting tasks ranging from the mundane to the sophisticated (if not concerning), to an election that could see the next president winning from behind bars, 2024 is undoubtedly going to be a bizarre year. But here’s the fun part: Art reflects the world, so gear up for lots of laughter, hijinks, and off-the-wall antics from your favorite entertainers.
In fact, a fleet of them have already jumped the gun, stocking their online merch stores with items that reflect their creativity. FLOOD has already spotted oodles of eccentric items befitting birthdays, anniversaries, and, in some cases, a rather raunchy Valentine’s Day.
Below is a rundown of some of the wackiest items for sale, all sold by the artists or their partners.
Orville Peck’s Pamela Love x Orville Peck Bolo ($260)
The mysterious country renegade doesn’t appear to be selling replicas of his fringed mask just yet. But if you’re looking to hit the town and tie one on, this classy bolo made of brass brown leather is just as elegant.
Japanese Breakfast’s Persimmon Girl Chopsticks ($10)
Not recommended for eating cereal (especially Grape Nuts…can you even imagine?).
Lana Del Rey Brass Whistle ($25)
Available in elegant gold, you can finally tweet along to “Sweet.” Or, if you have the stamina, all seven minutes of “A&W.”
JPEGMAFIA Medicine Box with USB ($50)
Peggy’s homemade merch game has always been as strong as his rap and production game, bootlegging and repurposing familiar brand iconography for each album cycle. While last year’s Scaring the Hoes arrived with its own set of one-of-a-kind merch, we recommend a daily dose of his early Ghost Pop Tape via USB. Sold over the counter.
Ween Soap-on-a-Rope ($10)
Ween Soap-on-a-rope. What else is there to say?
GWAR’s Cuttlefish of Cthulhu dildo ($85)
Modeled after the same self-satisfying adult toy made familiar by now-deceased GWAR frontman Oderus Urungus, it’s available in four sizes and two colors. For those into this kinda thing, it’s probably a hole lotta fun.
Jason Isbell’s Anchor Cast Iron Skillet ($25)
Break some eggs as a toast to one of 2022’s breakout stars with this Tennessee-made, two-pound skillet. It’s even emblazoned with the logo for America’s favorite Southern son.
Snail Mail’s Snail Plushie ($50)
It may cost a pretty penny, but this adorable, fuzzy, limited-edition toy is perfect for clinging to while crying along to Lindsey Jordan’s intimate indie rock.
Billie Eilish’s All the Good Girls Figure ($20)
We found dozens of musicians selling toys in their merch stores, but this one takes the cake. It’s strapped with the same big black wings that Eilish wears in her video for “All the Good Girls Go to Hell.”
Dolly Parton’s Buttermilk Biscuit Mix ($3)
Dolly Parton’s line of merchandise is almost as extensive as her list of greatest hits, but these easy-to-make Southern breakfast treats capture the spirit of Backwoods Barbie.
Sufjan Stevens’ AKR x J. Stark Limited Edition Backpack ($150)
This bag may be more expensive than a ticket to see Stevens in concert following his beloved 2023 album, Javelin. But don’t expect it to be available for long.
tyler-the-creator-custom-rug
Tyler, the Creator’s Custom Rug ($61)
Artist-specific towels are a dime a dozen in merch stores, surprisingly, but this area-size rug—featuring the artist wearing a blue bucket hat—is as gorgeous as the man himself.
Metallica’s Monopoly World Tour Edition ($40)
Whether you love or hate Metallica, chances are there’s an affinity for Monopoly somewhere in your heart. This special version of the board game is themed after the band’s 2013 tour of all seven continents.
Jenny Lewis’ Bless! Dog Bowl ($20)
This collapsible bowl is well-suited for those who enjoy taking long walks or hikes with their pooch—perhaps while noted dog-lover Lewis’ music is playing in their earbuds.
Lil Nas X’s Industry Baby Hot Pink Scrub Set ($80)
A list of wacky merch items wouldn’t be complete without something from Lil Nas X. From his well-stocked store, we picked this get-up that’s stamped with “Montero State Prison” and an incarceration ID number.
Sonic Youth’s Sister Puzzle ($30)
Like the band itself, Sonic Youth’s webstore is dead—but it does still link to this thousand-piece puzzle themed after their 1987 album that revolved around Philip K. Dick’s far-more-challenging books.
Elton John’s Kidrobot x Elton John Glitter Sunglasses Plush Pillow ($37)
The Rocket Man laid his career to rest in July, but fans can lie down and savor their memories of him with this limited-edition, 16-inch object of comfort.
Wavves’ King of the Beach Towel Bundle ($60)
A dope, vibrantly colored towel depicting a gnarly cat with Aztec-looking shapes, plus a transparent purple inflatable beach ball? Don’t hit the beach—or an outdoor Wavves concert—without them.
Madonna’s Madame X Viewfinder ($25)
Say what you will about Madge’s current tour, this throwback item is undeniably badass. Take a look inside and click through various black-and-white images of one of pop music’s greatest superstars.
Run the Jewels’ Hot Wheels Run the Jewels ’87 Buick Regal GNX ($35)
Leave it to FLOOD faves Killer Mike and El-P, and their boundless creativity, to help concoct this collectible toy modeled after the personalized vehicle featured in RTJ4’s artwork.
Janelle Monáe’s Breast Crop Top ($40)
The decorated, daring R&B superstar boldly bared all on last year’s The Age of Pleasure. Commemorating the record’s acclaim, and Monáe’s bosoms, this sure-to-be-controversial shirt comes out January 12.
Mastodon’s Debossed Emperor Logo Leather Wallet ($50)
Keep missing the chance to see Mastodon in concert? Keep ’em in your pocket at all times with this functional, all-black wallet that features two cash pockets and six card slots.
PJ Harvey’s Hope Six Playing Cards ($17)
Like the artist herself, these classy and understated playing cards are limited in number but worthy of endless gazing.
Slipknot’s Logo Hockey Puck ($15)
If you enjoy throwing your body around in a Slipknot mosh pit as well as on the ice rink, this puck featuring the band’s logos on both sides is a must-have.
