It’s been half a year since Stephen Colbert has publicly graced us with his presence, and it will be roughly four more months until he will officially appear on our televisions again, but today, the former Colbert Report host introduced us to his new job, his new look, and the Internet in general. Thank you, Stephen!
In his first sure-to-go viral appearance as the new Late Show host, Colbert revealed his TV hiatus friend the Colbeard—the bushy, salt-and-pepper facial hair that has travelled the world and been in the presence of Star Wars creator George Lucas. While he did not tell us about his fancy WristStrong replacement, we’re sure that his Apple Watch works perfectly with his iMac (password: Pumpkin Patch).
Our love affair with the Colbeard wasn’t able to last long, though, because CBS is making the talk show host shave it to be presentable on national television five nights a week (and not to compete with Tom Selleck’s mustache). Of course, Colbert wasn’t going to let him go without a proper send-off.
Here, we’ve compiled every possible look that Colbert was considering for his new program.
The Un-Hitler
See that? That’s called the “Un-Hitler.” It’s based on a new comic book character that I’m working on—Un-Hitler—who flies around the world fighting his evil twin cousin Adolf Hitler. Why can Un-Hitler fly? Because he is the exact opposite of Hitler, and Hitler couldn’t fly.
The Amish
What else do millennials love? The Amish. They’re polite, they make great furniture, and they never do that thing where they check their phone when you’re talking to them.
The Half-Wolverine
I call this the “Half-Wolverine.” I have an Adamantium skeleton, but I don’t have claws and I don’t heal instantly. It’s just extremely painful.
Classic, Clean Colbert
Hey! I know that dude!
Watch the whole video below, which features a beautiful tribute to the Colbeard to the strange tune of “Camptown Races,” and get ready for Colbert’s official Late Night start date: September 8.
(via Slate)
Originally published June 4, 12:00 p.m.
Updated: June 4, 12:39 p.m.: Just now, Time reported that beyond debuting a new (but still the same) facial hair look for Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Colbert revealed the secret identity of his brand-new band leader: Jon Batiste. The multi-talented, Julliard-trained musician from Louisiana will be bringing his backing band—Stay Human—with him to the Ed Sullivan Theater. Batiste might be best known from the short-lived HBO series Treme, in which he played himself.
