Advice From Paradise: Love Advice (and Music) from Nedelle Torrisi
This week: being attracted to your ideological opposite and sharing a bed with your flatmate.
My name is Nedelle Torrisi. I’m a musician and have a bunch of albums out on different labels and under different monikers: Nedelle, Nedelle and Thom, and Cryptacize. The most recent one just came out on Ethereal Sequence/Drag City under my full name, and it’s called Advice from Paradise.
I began giving out love advice on my Tumblr a couple of years ago, and I’m happy to have it run in FLOOD.
If a guy’s words and dogma makes you want to slap him silly upside the head, but you still feel like you have a connection in an alternate world, should you still pursue him or not? Thanks!
Wow, I can personally relate to this question. It’s a good one. My boyfriend and I are vastly different in many ways, but we also have a lot in common. We try to focus on our similarities and eschew certain topics that seem to cause fights. Healthy or unhealthy, this is what works for us. I’m pretty sure that our personal brand of chemistry is partially due to our differences. And let’s get real—no two people are a match made in heaven, especially if you’re a thinking person who’s over twenty-five. You’re mature. Congrats! But that makes relayshes harder. Drats.
Okay, so I was focusing on the positive, but now we’ve come to my “dark web” advice. You said you feel like you have a connection in an “alternate world.” That’s acknowledging, whether intentional or not, that you’re not a good match in this world. I’d trust my instincts if I were you. Maybe give love a chance, but cut it off if you know deep down that it’s bound to be an apocalyptic breakup in the long run.
Good luck! XO
Song Recommendation: “I Get Along Without You Very Well” by Nina Simone
So I started university and could tell one of my flatmates liked me. His friend from home came to stay with us and told me that he did in fact like me and always spoke about me to his friends. One night, he stayed in my bed and we just cuddled and held hands and talked for hours. Now it’s happened a few times. I finally talked to him about it and he said that when he stayed in my bed it was just “friendly,” so I got pissed off—friends don’t hold hands and cuddle affectionately in bed! I AM SO CONFUSED! What do you think? Thank you so much.
This is a tricky one. It’s possible that he could’ve liked you at first and then the crush waned and now he cuddles because he’s lonely (and selfish, because he’s sending you mixed messages). It could also be that he likes you and can’t admit it for some reason. This is the weirdest possibility, because—well, why not just admit it? Is he afraid that sleeping with a roommate could get messy? That would be ever-so responsible of him, actually. Or maybe he’s not ready to commit and he is in a phase of being cuddly and flirty with a lot of girls, and he’s afraid that if he gets sexy with you it’s bound to get serious.
For your sake I’d say cut the cuddling. Like right now. He can’t have his cuddle cake and cuddle too, you know?! Whatever’s going on with him, if he doesn’t come out and say it then he’s not worth your time.
Good luck! XO
Song Recommendation: “Secret” by Madonna