Today’s subject: Game of Thrones. More specifically: the actual Game of Thrones, and who will win it. As we gird our collective loins for the seventh season of the TV’s most vividly violent power struggle—Super Bowl Sunday notwithstanding—two of our writers square off to determine who will win and who will die.
Katrina Nattress: So, for the Iron Throne, who’s it gonna be: Daenerys Targaryen or Jon Snow? Because we all know Cersei is getting the boot sooner rather than later.
Trina Green: Yeah, she’s not long for this world. But I’m totally Team Dany.
Katrina: She’s pretty wonderful, but I feel like they’re just building it up for Jon, and I’m definitely OK with that. #TeamJon
Trina: I do love me some Jon, and there’s all the potential in the world for that to come to fruition, but I’m looking at the alliances and strengths going into this next season. Plus, you know….dragons.
Katrina: The dragons are definitely a game changer, but here’s the thing… Jon’s a Targaryen, too, so wouldn’t you think he’d be able to control the dragons?
Trina: Possibly, but I feel like he’s got more of the Wolf than Dragon in his blood. Granted, that could be a powerful combo, but there’s just too many reasons for Dany to take it all: She’s a legitimate Targaryen! Possibly the last of the line?
Katrina: Right, but—and I hate to say this—she’s a girl.
Trina: I KNOW!!!
Katrina: And knowing George R. R. Martin, there’s a possibility that Rhaegar and Lyanna wed. Targaryens are all about that polygamy life.
Trina: Dude, if that happened, it would be a total game changer.
Katrina: Yeah, so there’s a definite possibility Jon is the legitimate heir to the throne.
Trina: Because lord knows lines of succession always favor the men. How rude is that?
Katrina: I know, it’s totally rude… But Jon would make a pretty damn good leader. I mean, he’s a zombie for God’s sake!
Trina: Sexiest zombie ever!
https://youtube.com/watch?v=PMNVxh3drQ0
Katrina: And speaking of alliances, he’s got the wildlings on his side and he’s now the King in the North. And just to remind you, the North is as big as the rest of Westeros combined, so he’s got some loyalty behind him.
Trina: Truth. But outside of things happening logically, which nothing in GoT does, I’m seeing so many possibilities for Dany. Talk about being a leader: That tiny little woman has slayed her way across the Seven Kingdoms—literally in some cases—but the masses have her back like no one else. Plus, unlike Jon, she has no qualms about being a ruler. She actually wants it.
Katrina: That is true, and Jon’s hesitation about ruling is definitely a big issue. But I think once he finds out his true lineage it might change something inside him. And despite his wariness to rule, he’s already proven to be a great leader both on the battlefield and off. He defeated crazy Ramsay Bolton!
https://youtube.com/watch?v=CAUa774Ei_g
He’s loyal, honorable, and compassionate, but he knows when to discipline. He kept his Night’s Watch vows (aside from the whole Ygritte thing) until he literally died.
Trina: Right before you mentioned Ramsay, Sansa just popped into my head. That bit about her not being honest with Jon about Littlefinger has got me a little concerned for him. I know that she fessed up but, man, I hope she doesn’t wind up tripping him up in some way.
Katrina: Ugh I know, Littlefinger is a sonuvabitch and I definitely am scared for Jon. I don’t trust that guy at all, and Sansa doesn’t seem to be all too happy about her bastard brother’s current successes.
Trina: That would piss me off so hard! But I’m giving Sansa the (momentary) benefit of the doubt: She’s been through some shit, so she can have a minute to get her head straight. But if she becomes a problem, I will not be happy.
Katrina: I think Jon is going to be integral to the fight against the White Walkers. Let’s talk about that for a minute, because let’s be real here—the fight for the Iron Throne is nothin’ compared to the Walkers.
Trina: Uhh, yeah! Possibly Bran will have something to do with fighting the White Walkers, too, considering that weird connection that he now seems to have with the Night King, so that’s a thing. But other than dragonglass and Valyrian steel (which there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of laying around in the Seven Kingdoms, either), what’s the best defense against the White Walkers? Fire!
Katrina: Do we know that for sure, though? I know they’re obviously all icy and scary, but I feel like, if there was anything that you wouldn’t think to be flame retardant that ended up being flame retardant, it’d be the Walkers. And Jon is one of the few people actually concerned about them, has fought them before, saw the Night King, and killed one! He knows how to handle these sons of bitches.
Oh and Sam! He may end up being vital in that fight, too.
Trina: Well, those balls of fire that the Children used on the White Walkers took care of them in the cave right before the Hodor thing (ugh, still can barely deal with that), there just wasn’t enough of them.
And bless Sam’s heart.
Katrina: Oh that’s right! I think I tried to block that whole sequence out of my mind. Sigh. RIP Hodor.
Trina: Not cool. Genius storytelling, but not cool.
Katrina: Welcome to Game of Thrones! There’s never any chill, no one is safe, your favorite character will most likely die a terrible, horrible, gruesome death. Why do we do this to ourselves? It’s so stressful!
Trina: Apparently we have no lives.
So that’s one of the main reasons why I think Dany can take this, because a couple of puffs of bad dragon breath and it’s “Thanks for coming, White Walkers!”
Katrina: But see, that’s too easy!
Trina: Sigh. I know. I swear, I know. Nothing could possibly be that logical.
Katrina: Our boy George wouldn’t build up the Walkers like that just for Puff the Magic Dragon to extinguish all of them.
And also, say, for some reason, he got lazy and did just have her do that… Jon’s the King in the North, so even if she won the throne she wouldn’t have legal rule over the North.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=AXAnxAA73xM
Trina: This is where the “the Prince that was promised” prophecy thing gets me confused: Are we talking Jon? And “Prince” doesn’t necessarily equal King. What’s going on here?
By the way, reason #13 Dany should take the throne: She’s got Tyrion.
Katrina: Yeah, that is a pretty big question mark. I believe a Red Priestess in Volantis also preached that Daenerys was “The Prince (or One) That was Promised,” too. Maybe the word “Prince” is to be taken liberally? I think it’s more just “The Chosen One.” Tyrion really is a great selling point for her, sure. But Jon’s got Ser Davos Seaworth and he ain’t too shabby, either.
Trina: I love Ser Davos! “…and his is the song of ice and fire.” He’s ice, she’s fire..ugh. Maybe they should just get married and co-rule. It could work!
Katrina: Targaryens do like to marry each other, so I think as soon as Dany finds out she’s Jon’s aunt, she’ll be down.
But yeah, the most logical answer is she’s fire and he’s ice; they get married, team up to beat the White Walkers, and then rule the Seven Kingdoms together and live happily ever after. But again, it’s Game of Thrones we’re talking about.
Trina: That’s a beautiful story right there.
Katrina: Right? And that’s how you know it’ll never be true. EVEN THOUGH IT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE! How about this: They get married, team up, and then one of them dies a terrible, horrible, gruesome death.
Trina: Oh for fuck’s sake, give us our happy ending please? We need this, we’ve earned this!
Katrina: You and I both know that’s not going to happen.
Trina: If the Mountain crushes either of their heads like a grape or rips the spine from one of their backs, I’m out.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=VM9wWtHozCM
Katrina: Here’s the most GoT ending ever: The White Walkers destroy everything and rule the world. And the Mountain becomes the new Night King.
Trina: Wow. Just…wow, but, yeah, I don’t put setting everything up for a total mindfuck of an ending past D. B. Weiss nor David Benioff one bit. Not one tiny bit.
Katrina: They’ll wrap up the series with a nice, bloody bow.
Trina: Hell, that White Walker/Mountain idea sounds pretty good…in a life-that-would-be-horribly-horrible-in-the-Seven-Kingdoms-kind of way, but kudos on the creativity.
Katrina: HBO, if you’re reading this, feel free to take that ending—just credit me please!
Trina: And I’m totally a witness to this, so no stealing, HBO!
Wait, did we just give up on Jon and Dany?
Katrina: So, the takeaway from all this is that 1) there are strong arguments for both Fire and Ice, 2) if it’s logical, it probably won’t happen, and 3) no one is safe.
All hope is lost, and Dany and Jon are probably both screwed.
Trina: Well, we tried but the fact of the matter is neither of us is stupid, because we can see the writing on the wall and everyone that we really care about basically has a toe tag with their name on it waiting for them. Life is hard when you’re a Game of Thrones fan.
Katrina: It sure is. FL
