Advice From Paradise: Love Advice (and Music) from Nedelle Torrisi
This week: falling in love with your best friend and navigating an accidental one-night stand.
My name is Nedelle Torrisi. I’m a musician and have a bunch of albums out on different labels and under different monikers: Nedelle, Nedelle and Thom, and Cryptacize. The most recent one just came out on Ethereal Sequence/Drag City under my full name, and it’s called Advice from Paradise.
I began giving out love advice on my Tumblr a couple of years ago, and I’m happy to have it run in FLOOD.
I have a dilemma. I have a male friend who I’ve been very close with for about five years now. We’ve lived in different states for a while, but we’ve kept in touch almost daily via Skype, email, Twitter, and text, and we have visited one another a couple of times. We’ve been like a brother and sister to each other. Recently I realized that I may have become emotionally attached to him without really meaning to. I think I’m in love, but I don’t know. I know he cares for me deeply, but I also know that he likes another woman. He’s ten years older, but we’ve just connected from the beginning. I don’t know what to do or what to think. Please help!
Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether you’re in love or just dependent on a person because they’re serving a purpose in your life at that moment. You may even feel anxious right now because you know he likes another woman, which is coloring your perspective. Alas, all we have are our perceptions—who knows what’s true or a misinterpretation? If we could only have tiny therapists in our pockets at all times to enlighten us about our own behavior. #Neurotic #PocketTherapist
The most important thing at this point is to talk to him. Ask whether he ever envisions something more between you two. I know this is really putting yourself on the line, but how else is anything going to move forward? Sometimes you have to make valiant romantic moves in order for something good to happen. I know, because I’ve seen it with my own two eyes, that if this alters your friendship, it will only be awkward for a second. I really believe that strong friendships can weather this storm. If you approach the whole conversation with a casual tone as opposed to a bleeding heart, that should make it easy on you both. Good luck!
Song Recommendation: “Waiting in Vain” by Bob Marley
I was drunk and had sex at a party with a guy I barely know; it was the first time either of us had ever done anything like that. He started messaging me, and he’s kind of dull but cute, so I kept writing back. The other day he said, “Was the event a one off?” and I said, “It depends how I feel at the time,” meaning whether or not I’d want to have sex with him again. He hasn’t messaged me since, and I’m worried he thought I meant hooking up with guys in general. How should I go about navigating this? I’m not even sure how I feel about us.
I think the last sentence says it all. If you’re already describing him as dull, I’m not sure the sex is going to get much better. I think you should let this guy go, and look for a relationship that involves feelings and more meaningful sex. That’s the best. Just clarify what you meant via text and say adieu. You can let it fade, or you can say straight up that you’re not so interested in keeping it going. There are more fish in the sea: fish with more feelings and lots of fish to have feelings for. Good luck!
Song Recommendation: “Breaking Glass” by David Bowie